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David Madison – Quotes

Knockout Quote No 402, Madison, A world religion is a cult that grabbed major market share

CCCQ No 511, Madison, If only Christians could read the gospels and wise up that they’ve been conned

CCCQ No 505, Madison, It seems, instead, that God had been giving his Omnipotent Finger to humanity

Knockout Quote No 504, Madison, Don’t Christians ever stop to think that, just maybe, Jesus got the message wrong?
Knockout Quote No 502, Madison, Jesus and Paul were among those who fell hard for so much of the strange new revenge-reward theology
Knockout Quote No 499, Madison, How ironic that the Christian religion itself shows no evidence whatever of being intelligently designed
Knockout Quote No 498, Madison, What a sorry state of affairs that Christian theology sank to these lows
Knockout Quote No 497, Madison, The theologians who came up with this idea discovered the formula for terrorizing people
Knockout Quote No 496, Madison, Unbeknown to most of the folks in the pews, the New Testament is a minefield

CCCQ No 488, Tarico, So few humans are embarrassed to assign to divinity the attributes of a male alpha primate

Knockout Quote No 495, Madison, As an exercise to shock Christians out of faith-complacency
Knockout Quote No 518, Madison, If you believe this, eat that, drink something else, you’ll get eternal life
Knockout Quote No 516, Madison, When I was a kid, growing up in a rural Indiana church, we all went to kneel at the front of the sanctuar
Knockout Quote No 418, Madison, So what is the life expectancy of ole Yahweh’s vast data dump
Knockout Quote No 489, Madison, The gospel writers were story-inventors, they created episodes to advance their theological agendas
Knockout Quote No 487, Madison, Fess up, the gospel writers have indulged their weakness for magical thinking
Knockout Quote No 482, Madison, It’s too bad J. K. Rowling didn’t write the gospels
Knockout Quote No 416, Madison, Children ascribe personalities to their teddy bears and talk to them
Knockout Quote No 400, Madison, “It’s all part of God’s plan” wears thin
Knockout Quote No 398, Madison,This vindictive version of Christian piety can be traced directly to the words of Jesus and the apostle Pau
Knockout Quote No 393, Madison,Theology was longwinded on what God was like, but short of breath on epistemology
Knockout Quote No 383, Madison, Nearly Headless Nick and Moaning Myrtle
Knockout Quote No 480, Madison, But Paul does his best to keep the wrathful god alive and hovering over hapless humans
Knockout Quote No 473, Madison, That once-upon-a-time ‘inspired’ Bible is gone.
Knockout Quote No 472, Madison, God’s job performance was well below par on his inspire-the-Bible days
Knockout Quote No 377, Madison, Most Christians have ditched Adam and Eve
Knockout Quote No 373, Madison, The apostle Paul was pretty far down the rabbit hole of delusional theology
Knockout Quote No 370,Madison, The marching orders to apologists from all ecclesiastical authorities
Knockout Quote No 357, Madison, The Virgin Mary Appears on Toast Seriously?
Knockout Quote No 471, Madison, If Christians actually buy it, our suspicion is confirmed that they aren’t all that curious
Knockout Quote No 469, Madison, Why should anyone outside the faith in-groups trust their claims?
Knockout Quote No 467, Madison,You know who should write a Bible commentary? How about God himself?
Knockout Quote No 348, Madison, Even on Facebook, devout folks muster prayer marathons
Knockout Quote No 332, Madison, One of Richard Carrier’s more acerbic descriptions of Jesus
Knockout Quote No 319, Madison, A creator god—perhaps as in, May the Force Be with You—leaves you with an undefined
Knockout Quote No 317, Madison, Whatever you believe about your god—well, it took thousands of years of theological squabbling
Knockout Quote No 464, Madison, Religious quacks, shrewd theologians of all persuasions, have been selling a product they don’t have
Knockout Quote No 295, Madison, But Paul had no clue that this drags theology down with magical thinking
Knockout Quote No 294, Madison, Eventually a great kaleidoscope of pagan beliefs invaded Jewish thought
Knockout Quote No 258, Madison,The Bible misses the mark as reliable history, and isn’t all that great morally or spiritually
Knockout Quote No 252, Madison, There is no such thing as a holy man This is part of the bamboozle
Knockout Quote No 238, Madison, Those who want to adore Mary will not find an ally in Paul
Knockout Quote No 237, Madison, Paul was an obsessive-compulsive mediocre thinker and bad theologian
Knockout Quote No 457, Madison, Yes, it was cool that a disabled man was lowered through the roof to meet Jesus
Knockout Quote No 236, Madison, Matthew insults our intelligence in the first chapter of his gospel
Knockout Quote No 233, Madison, The apostle Paul was a crank, the most fitting label is Delusional Cult Fanatic
Knockout Quote No 229, Madison, Once upon a time, Christianity was inventing by cobbling together spare parts
Knockout Quote No 450, Madison, Christian theologians know full well that the Bible is more of a curse
Knockout Quote No 446, Madison, The eternal life gimmick fueled Christianity from the very beginning
Knockout Quote No 442, Madison, How foolish, how gullible, to grant Word-of-God status to stuff that tumbled out of somebody’s imagination
Knockout Quote No 440, Madison, Jesus takes his place alongside Harry, Hermione and Ron as alumni of Hogwarts
Knockout Quote No 439, Madison, Please go through the Bible, line by line, and mark the verses that can be ruled out as Word of God
Knockout Quote No 437, Madison, I have zero awe and wonder for the absurd deity
Knockout Quote No 436, Madison, It’s too bad that all the awe and wonder aimed at God degrade into silliness
Knockout Quote No 435, Madison, If you accept the Jesus of Mark’s gospel, you are well on the way to full-throttle crazy religion
Knockout Quote No 433, Madison, Cosmologists know that “God did it” is a non-answer
Knockout Quote No 432, Madison, One of the utterly useless statements in the Sermon of the Mount
Knockout Quote No 431, Madison, God must have wanted more angels
Knockout Quote No 429, Madison, If only the apostle Paul’s zeal had been directed toward something more beneficial to humankind
Knockout Quote No 423, Madison, I Belong to Jesus
Knockout Quote No 418, Madison, So what is the life expectancy of ole Yahweh’s vast data dump
Knockout Quote No 416, Madison, Children ascribe personalities to their teddy bears and talk to them
Knockout Quote No 229, Madison, Once upon a time, Christianity was inventing by cobbling together spare parts
Knockout Quote No 400, Madison, “It’s all part of God’s plan” wears thin

Teresa Roberts – Quotes

Knockout Quote No 490, Roberts, I was never able to get a satisfying explanation for why the Bible is full of such hateful ideas
Knockout Quote No 484, Roberts, Because the masses want to attend their churches, pray to their statues, dip their fingers in tap water
Knockout Quote No 425, Roberts, Roughly 84% of the world has faith
Knockout Quote No 415, Roberts, Why can’t liberal Christians retire the Bible?
Knockout Quote No 406, Roberts, Or all of the gods formed a kind of cosmic god swat team
Knockout Quote No 404, Roberts, As long as humans give a rat’s ass about superstition and religion
Knockout Quote No 403, Roberts, Someone always wants to control us Mythologies are dangerous

Funny Atheist Quotes

Knockout Quote No 434, Maguire, This ‘nice God’ hypothesis does run into some knotty problems
Knockout Quote No 493, Conner, Christians just live in a different time zone than the rest of us
Knockout Quote No 486, Hubbard, the answers are usually blah blah context blah blah mysterious ways blah blah metaphor blah blah
Knockout Quote No 468, Conner, It is the Holy Spirit that convinces someone of the truth
Knockout Quote No 465, Gericke, Yahweh is like Donald Duck
Knockout Quote No 463, Without Malice, The one thing you would never hear such a being say is, Oops, didn’t see that coming
Knockout Quote No 462, Without Malice,Thus 2,000 years of Christians going at each other’s throats over idiotic dogmas
Knockout Quote No 444, Conner, The Holy Spirit is flitting around the world whispering into the temporal lobes of billions of people
Knockout Quote No 170, Twain & Bunker, Faoth is…
Knockout Quote No 169, Carlin, This guy would have been out on his all-powerful ass a long time ago
Knockout Quote No 260, Wilde:Bierce, A theologian is like man going into the depths of a cave at midnight
Knockout Quote No 265, RealHarryWiddifield, Your prayers are fart bubbles in the bathtub of the cosmos
Knockout Quote No 306, Sayers, “I don’t think you ought to read so much theology,” said Lord Peter
Knockout Quote No 308, Tarico, Athletes huddle in prayer before a game, just in case those random bounces aren’t random
Knockout Quote No 380, Zingrone,So, go bowling next Sunday instead of attending church and have a good time
Knockout Quote No 430, Bo Daniel, It’s all part of God’s plan is such a breathtakingly witless defense
Knockout Quote No 420, Congerton,The Holy Fact Checker seems to have been on sick leave
Knockout Quote No 422, Carter, So many theologians love to meet at pubs.
Knockout Quote No 424, Lindsay, Religion is believing there’s a diamond the size of a refrigerator buried in your yard
Knockout Quote No 428, Carlin,You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci

David Eller – Quotes

Knockout Quote No 51, Eller, Human morality would be better off without the religion additions
Knockout Quote No 491, Eller, Christian love has explained and supported often white-hot hatred
Knockout Quote No 304, Eller, Even more inclined to show his face is Jesus, whose likeness is as likely to appear on a wall
Knockout Quote No 298, Eller, Religions can be as divisive as integrative, can get entire groups killed off
Knockout Quote No 293, Eller, Christian often reinterpret threatening facts as tests of faith by their god
Knockout Quote No 280, Eller, Whether or not any god is omnipresent, religion is, or strives to be
Knockout Quote No 270, Eller, All evidence powerfully suggests that the human brain and mind is a highly imperfect device
Knockout Quote No 247, Eller, Now Christianity is truly a world religion—or a loose association of religious species
Knockout Quote No 245, Eller, The Christian embrace of war would reach its climax in the Crusades
Knockout Quote No 244, Eller, An end-of-the-world movement gathered around William Miller in the 1830s
Knockout Quote No 221, Eller, That which is no longer taken for granted is often not taken at all
Knockout Quote No 212, Eller, There is no such thing as a single, unified, global Christianity

CCCQ No 211, Eller, Like the practice of naming people after religious mythology

Knockout Quote No 206, Eller, The first Christians to be executed over theology

Valerie Tarico – Quotes

Knockout Quote No 98, Tarico, The Jesus story follows a sacred template
Knockout Quote No 488, Tarico, So few humans are embarrassed to assign to divinity the attributes of a male alpha primate
Knockout Quote No 322, Tarico, Forms of Christianity the emphasize right belief have built-in safeguards
Knockout Quote No 313, Tarico, Abstract theologies are a fairly recent invention in the history of human religion
Knockout Quote No 310, Tarico, Certainty is a confession of ignorance about our ability to be profoundly mistaken
Knockout Quote No 309, Tarico, We are capable of feeling so certain about our false beliefs that we are willing to kill for them
Knockout Quote No 308, Tarico, Athletes huddle in prayer before a game, just in case those random bounces aren’t random
Knockout Quote No 305, Tarico, Worship practices, music and religious architecture have been optimized over time
Knockout Quote No 288, Tarico, Why has the main current of Christianity produced a steady diet of misogyny for 2000 years?
Knockout Quote No 222, Tarico, Righteous confidence, unchecked by humble self-examination, is dangerous
Knockout Quote No 196, Tarico, Modern Christian soldiers react to perceived threats against their faith
Knockout Quote No 186, Tarico, When praying, most believers don’t look puffed up
Knockout Quote No 185, Tarico, If that’s not a bit presumptuous—arrogant even—I don’t know what is
Knockout Quote No 105, Tarico, not a very impressive claim for an omnipotent deity

Hector Avalos – Quotes

Knockout Quotes No 22, Avalos, I suspect that 99 percent of the Bible would not be missed
Knockout Quote No 476, Avalos, Jesus himself says that the Jews are liars fathered by the devil
Knockout Quote No 160, Avalos, the eternal duration of the violence are infinitely greater
Knockout Quote No 159, Avalos, A man who was egotistical, delusional or economically inept
Knockout Quote No 157, Avalos, Jesus demands that followers transfer allegiance from their families
Knockout Quote No 156, Avalos, If Jesus was a human being, he must have had flaws
Knockout Quote No 155, Avalos, All faith claims are equal in their unverifiability

David Chumney – Quotes

Knockout Quote No 363, Chumney, The Gospels as a whole comprise not memories
Knockout Quote No 441, Chumney, Many of Mark’s stories about Jesus likely owe their existence not to genuine recollections
Knockout Quote No 365, Chumney,the mythical character encountered in the gospels
Knockout Quote No 364, Chumney,It is very likely a product of the church’s imagination

Joseph Daleiden – Quotes

Knockout Quote No 142, Daleiden, Those who drive into the future looking in a rearview mirror
Knockout Quote No 275, Daleiden, The gospels tell of Jesus driving devils out of sick people into pigs
Knockout Quote No 267, Daleiden,The reasoning which proposes that the death of Jesus was an act of reparation
Knockout Quote No 259, Daleiden, There has been no shortage of people who declared that they spoke for the gods
Knockout Quote No 219, Daleiden, Christianity has demonstrated its destructive antihuman values
Knockout Quote No 218, Daleiden, Looking at the mess the world is in, it might seem easier to prove a Devil than a God
Knockout Quote No 166, Daleiden, Christianity had a great product, immortality. And did it sell!
Knockout Quote No 165, Daleiden, Yet another little horror story, Ananias and Sapphira
Knockout Quote No 153, Daleiden, Little that is original in the teachings attributed to Jesus
Knockout Quote No 152, Daleiden, Most people superimpose their own value systems on a religion
Knockout Quote No 143, Daleiden, I that all 2000 years of theology could come up with?

John A. Haught – Quotes

Knockout Quote No 187, Haught, New England’s Puritans decreed that Quakers must be put to death
Knockout Quote No 183, Haught, they slaughtered the whole population and gave thanks to God
Knockout Quote No 176, Haught, I think humanity has a streak of madness, a precinct of the mind
Knockout Quote No 175, Haught, After his death, Pius V was canonized as a saint